i can't tell what i am thinking about anymore. or at least what i want to be thinking about. there's so much going on in my head that it's hard to sort things out. everything is just jumbled up and i almost have no idea what i am doing anymore. I can't stick with a book anymore because i always end up just looking at the words with no thought about what they are actually saying. i don't know what's wrong with me. i feel like nothing i have to say matters, and when i do say something it just ends up being mindless chatter, i hardly even know what i am saying anymore. i wish i had something meaningful to say. i'm starting to feel like i don't have my own opinions anymore. i know who i am, and what i am, and where i am going in life for the most part, but i'm a pretty easily influenced person, and i feel like i'm losing who i really am, and turning into a mixture of everyone else i know. i don't know what or who i feel like, but i don't feel like cavya.
posted by Cellar door at
1:45 PM
4 Comments:
Cavya I feel the exact same way, and I hate it, I hate it so much that it actually angers me. It's hard to explain, I know what you're saying. I think mabey serparating yourslef from those you hang out with too much may be best, mabey not want you want, but the separation may give you time to remember who you really are. I don't know that idea might work, but I'm sure you will think of something.
The thing about that, is that when i am not around my friends, i end up just sitting at home and wallowing in my own confusion. and then i get depressed because im just sitting aound wallowing and it usually ends up with me like, in histerics(that's an exaggeration), or something, because i feel useless. but i go through this phase every so often, and it passes, don't worry.
PS: we should all hang out again, and soon. that was a very good time. The girls and i were thinking downtown naperville next time. Sound good?
same here the sitting and wallowing part, I'm tired of people being depressed and I'm not blaming anyone or picking on people, it's just, this is my last actually summer and so far it really hasn't been fun, so let's make it fun
~Em
~actual~
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