i keep waiting, waiting, waiting for the day that i will have the courage to actually say what i want when i want, but that day never comes. so i am stuck wishing and wanting and waiting forever. sometimes i feel so selfish and childish. for being jealous, or sad for no reason, or angry, and sometimes even happy.

i just feel like i am behind. like there are things that i should be seeing that i'm not. like everyone is a few steps ahead of me and i'm running to catch up. i keep trying to help but it never works.

sorry about this. i think it's just this week. just right now. because right at this moment i am up a lot earlier than i should be and no one else is so i am thinking, and when i start thinking bad things happen. :P

on a good note...we won!!! :D