a very self centered post just like the rest of them
there is something i've been trying to say, i think. but i'm not sure what it is. and i'm not sure how to get my point across or if i even want to get my point across.
i've been doing too much existing. just existing. not thinking, not doing and avoiding feeling...because i don't want to be set back. but is that setting me back even more? i'm afraid that if i start doing too soon that i will encounter things im not ready to yet. i don't know, it's complicated.
and once again i'm overwhelmed with the feeling that everyone is moving on without me. everyone has a purpose, but i'm just here. just existing. moving forward but not in a way that matters. feeling good but not in a way that matters.
I wonder...
-when i will know what i need to do
-when i will have real passion, real drive
-when i won't have to think about what i do
-when i won't regret
-when love will find me
-why we do the things we do
-when i will stop being so lazy
-where i will be in five years
-where i will be tomorrow
-why i forget who i am so easily
-how much more i have to learn
-when people willl grow the fuck up
-when i will grow the fuck up
-when i will be able to see what i have to do before the moment has passed
-what life has in store for me
-if i'll be okay next year
-when i will be able to let go
-when i will be able to actually truly care and be dedicated to something again
-if things really do happen for a reason
-why reading happy books/watching happy movies makes me sad
-when i won't be able to relate to the sad songs anymore
-why everything my family does bothers me
-if the fact that everything that they do bothers me makes me a bad person
-why being around them makes me so uncomfortable and moody
-when i will feel like i am a good person
-if time travel is possible
-when i will find that person
-why i am so selfish
-why i am so afraid of being alone
-whether people really hear and understand what i say and do because it's almost always for a reason and almost always means something more than it seems
i've been doing too much existing. just existing. not thinking, not doing and avoiding feeling...because i don't want to be set back. but is that setting me back even more? i'm afraid that if i start doing too soon that i will encounter things im not ready to yet. i don't know, it's complicated.
and once again i'm overwhelmed with the feeling that everyone is moving on without me. everyone has a purpose, but i'm just here. just existing. moving forward but not in a way that matters. feeling good but not in a way that matters.
I wonder...
-when i will know what i need to do
-when i will have real passion, real drive
-when i won't have to think about what i do
-when i won't regret
-when love will find me
-why we do the things we do
-when i will stop being so lazy
-where i will be in five years
-where i will be tomorrow
-why i forget who i am so easily
-how much more i have to learn
-when people willl grow the fuck up
-when i will grow the fuck up
-when i will be able to see what i have to do before the moment has passed
-what life has in store for me
-if i'll be okay next year
-when i will be able to let go
-when i will be able to actually truly care and be dedicated to something again
-if things really do happen for a reason
-why reading happy books/watching happy movies makes me sad
-when i won't be able to relate to the sad songs anymore
-why everything my family does bothers me
-if the fact that everything that they do bothers me makes me a bad person
-why being around them makes me so uncomfortable and moody
-when i will feel like i am a good person
-if time travel is possible
-when i will find that person
-why i am so selfish
-why i am so afraid of being alone
-whether people really hear and understand what i say and do because it's almost always for a reason and almost always means something more than it seems
posted by Cellar door at
4:28 PM
2 Comments:
I can identify with the forgeting who you are easily. In fact, i'm not so sure that i ever did truly know who i was, because i certainly con't right now. Perhaps I'll just have to wait
I hate waiting
Later days--Luis
Well. we're young. we've got plenty of time to figure things like this out. (especially you! :P ) there's no rush here.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home