You would think that in between getting your hopes up and expecting the worse would be normalness.

But no.
Oh, of course not!

Instead, it's a mixture of both, which leaves you in a completely false state of calm, because you're trying to not feel either of the two but really you're feeling both. and so then you pretend like you're calm and don't care but behind that is a negative yet hopeful swarm of bees.

hmph.