i wish i knew.

but i'm not sure that i ever will.
we don't have that much time left.

this probably doesn't make sense. but it does to me.

well let it be known that i had something really interesting to say but i forgot.

i placed first at conference, for those of you who didn't know. our team took first as well.

schmer.

Oof. I hate making posts like that last one.
I haven't been having the best of times lately.
Hopefully it'll get better soon.

well.
there is one good thing.

NO MORE EARLYBIRD!

It's interesting to watch yourself go through all the different stages of tired.

first you kind of fall asleep for a while, then you're crazy, and then everything just hits you. everything just comes down.

and here i am.

thinking about now. everything. so much. too much. you know everytime stuff like this happens, i just remind myself that other people have it so much worse. and it's true. but this is weird. this is different. i am not a part of this. this is my family being dysfunctional around me.

all this stuff at school doesn't even matter anymore. the things that used to tear me apart, things that would keep me up at night, don't matter.

but neither does this. here. home.
..."home".

and school doesn't matter.

so what does?

...i'm not so sure anymore.

I really think you should check this out. because you love spencer.

I AM SPENCER.

i dont get it.

i just don't understand how someone can have so many oportunities to change, and so many second chances and still not learn. How could someone see their family and loved ones hurt so many times over and over again and just continue to do things that hurt them? could he just not care?

it just doesnt make sense.

gross.

I'm sick. With the flu, i think.

I've felt like i have to sneeze constantly for the last two days.
my voice is gone
my throat and eyes are scratchy and my eyes are watery.

i don't want to move. i've been sitting in this chair in my living room for two days straight.

i haven't been this sick in almost a year.

i had best be better by tomorrow for theatrefest.

Hello, 2007

In 2006 i:
-cried
-laughed until it hurt
-smiled because i was happy
-smiled because i didnt know what else to do
-was heartbroken
-got better
-took a lot of pictures
-was a feather duster (and a sexy one, at that)
-was jasmine (i still haven't returned the costume...eek!
-was disappointed in myself
-was disappointed in others
-realized how childish people can be
-learned that you can't change someone unless they're willing to change
-been sick
-been healthy
-felt pretty
-hot
-fat
-gross
-confused
-like throwing up
-like crying
-like running
-figured it out, for the most part.