please tell me.

i don't understand.
i just don't get it.

how someone can make the same mistakes over and over and still not learn.
three years. for three years its been the same thing. again and again.

how could someone be that selfish?
how could someone see the pain they are causing and still have no desire to change?
how could someone have so little respect for those around them?
how do i understand this when you don't and you are so much older?

when are you going to grow up?

why...how...wha-

what are you thinking?

i just saw the illusionist. i'll admit, for some reason i was spectical when it started, but it was very good. plus, edward norton is very attractive.

i need to go to the movies. i recall enjoying that quite a bit, and yet i haven't in far too long.
who wants to go with me?

all i want to do right now is shop. that's all, really. i just need to shop. it makes me feel good. i want to feel good. so i need to shop.

im trying to figure out what will make it easier for you to understand.
i tried to find song lyrics.
but nothing fit.

maybe that's it.
nothing fits anymore.
i don't know.

i don't know what i can do.
i just want to do something...something that will make me feel like everything hasn't been a waste.
i need to know that i'm not wasting my time. and my energy.

do you see me?
...am i appreciated?

i try so hard to understand. lately i feel like all i do is help the people around me pass me by.

i feel like a doormat.
for everyone.
it's not your fault.

i don't know why.
i will figure it out.
i will not be this way anymore.

as soon as i figure out how to.

I thought that that the happy was a new thing. that it was going to stay.
hmph.

this week has been disappointing.

i'm tired of understanding. all i ever do is say "no, it's okay, i understand." well i don't.
i'm tired of being second best. i'm tired of being in someone's shadow, constantly.

i don't think you understand. i don't know if you care.

i don't know where my drive went.
i don't know where my ambition has gone.

...i don't know how to be the person i want to be.

What Changed?

I don't know.
But I like it.

I am just...happy.

Lately I feel like I'm the only one who is, though.
Makes the whole thing kinda suck.

But you can't bring me down!

:D

You would think that in between getting your hopes up and expecting the worse would be normalness.

But no.
Oh, of course not!

Instead, it's a mixture of both, which leaves you in a completely false state of calm, because you're trying to not feel either of the two but really you're feeling both. and so then you pretend like you're calm and don't care but behind that is a negative yet hopeful swarm of bees.

hmph.