i have to study, if i want to end up with a B in global studies. and i have to practice, if i want to get my scales memorized, but i kind of just want to sleep and eat all day.

Maybe i will sleep and eat for the first half, then study and practice for the second half.

i think i need to hire a large and intimidating man to yell at me all the time. because otherwise i will never get anything done.


Sleeping and eating will commence...NOW!

There was a large depressed, and stressed out flesh eating insect in the part of my brain that controls feelings after VJ auditions, today. So i came home and cried a little bit. and the i checked my email, and the bug decided to leave.

If you auditioned for VJ...check your email. :D

I'm good now. just extremely bored and i feel like im wasting my friday night.
pretty much, just call me. okay? okay.

So, Vocal Jazz was probably the best thing i did all year. It was so much fun and it just gave me something to look forard to every week. I grew so much musically and as a person because of it.

Auditions for next year were today. I COMPLETELY bombed the sight singing. completely. i wanted to jump off a bridge. I think it wouldn't have been so bad if i didn't wasn't nervous. But i was. and it was horrible. just thinking about it makes me want to cry, literally. So then i was off and kind of screwed up the melodic scale. but everything else i think ( i hope!) i was fine on. I just hope to god that mr. barsch remembers how well i did this year and how hard working i am, and takes pity on me. Because i don't know what i'm going to do with myself otherwise.

I need to be cheered up.

df;asdkjfoirjfs'dlkfjoasidhtfsd;kfljhgao

i am positively restless.

I spent much of today sleeping. and eating. Then i felt like being outside, so i walked to target, and did a little pointless shopping. bought some nail polish a skirt and lip gloss.

i am such a girl.

And now i have this huge urge to go running. Which is really weird because i normally hate running, and the one time i actually want to, i left my gym shoes at school. damn.

POM makes tea now. It's wonderful.POM wonderful! buy one get one free at Dominicks...looks like i found my new summer drink. Is it weird that i have a summer drink? no. it's not. and if you think so, screw you.

I really need to be doing something right now. i have alot of energy because i was sleeping all day. and i have nothing to do. shit. maybe i'll do some sit-ups or something. Maybe i can dig up some old sneakers from somewhere.

Sunflowers.

The last Spotlight rehearsal was today. It's just sad thinking that that was the last time before the concert that i'd be singing with that group. i have to make it next year, otherwise i might go into depression. Man. I love that group. :D



PS:
If anyone wants help with auditions, i know the song now, so just find me!

Something has been bothering me for about a week now, and i couldn't tell what it was until now. I kind of feel like i am beeing taken for granted. And i'm not saying or implying in any way that i should be cherished or honored or anything of that sort...just appreciated i guess. i guess i just need reassurrance every now and then. I guess most of this is coming from my family, but i just get uncertain sometimes.

I feel like a arrogant selfish bitch about this post. sorry. there are so many other things i could be talking about, but i can't sort any of it out. So i am whining at you.

I'm also feeling pretty good though. just at peace with my surroundings. it was hailing today, and it was beautiful. I put some hail in a cup and put it in my freezer to keep, because i thought it was special. How often does it hail in the middle of May?

i've been thinking about summer a lot(24/7) recently...and the only picture that comes to mind is a sunflower. Or sunflowers. It's pleasant. It's getting me through the days. :)

i am sorry for the absense of decent posts. maybe over the summer they'll get better.

Now.

i don't know how i'm getting through these last few days of school. it's really a miracle that i wake up in the morning. i am running on absolutely nothing. And the best part is my teachers feel the need to increase the amount of homework they give. i don't know what to do with myself.

today was an off day.

today was a very on and off day. events were good...mood, not so good. schmeh.

Is it too late to start over?

I'm finally trying to get into the habbit of doing my homework, and practicing for band, choir, vocal lessons and piano, and there are 3 weeks of school left.

The last few years have been weird. But I can tell things are getting better now.

12 full days of school left...and my science teacher finally had her baby.

I am at peace with the world.

When did i get so lazy?

My grades have been getting slowly worse for the last two years. i used to get straight A's. One B was a dissappointment. Now im getting C's in Global Studies (honors) and CPS...it's not i don't understand the material, i just don't do the work. I don't know where my priorities are. i've been hiding behind the activities i'm in or KK's accident all year, those aren't excuses, and even if they were, i shouldn't be making excuses. i should be sucking it up and doing my work. Everyone else can balance all of this and get their work done...why can't I?

Maybe i should stop doing so much, but really, i never really have more than two things going on at the same time, besides during marching band season. But i can't stop doing anything, it's kind of who I am...i wouldn't feel right if i stopped.

i need to step it up.



PS. i've decided that i'm going to do everything i can not to have to quit band.