here's my schedule for this semester.

Early Bird PE
Health/Driver's Ed
A Capella Choir/Wind Symphony
Biology
Spanish 3

Nothing horribly hard, but it's six classes.

Now I know there a few people going through this same thing, but i am going to whine anyway because it's ten thirty and i woke up at 5 today and i hardly slept last night, so whining is just about all i can do.

you wanna know how long i will be at school for tomorrow?

SIXTEEN FUCKING HOURS.

it would be SEVENTEEN FUCKING HOURS but i am skipping earlybird tomorrow. (shhh!)

yaaaay marching band.



I miss summer... :(

I'm not sure how i feel about this whole school thing...

Maybe I will change my mind after tomorrow, but for now, i am against it.

Skanks on a Wang

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THESE MOTHER-FUCKING SNAKES ON THIS MOTHER-FUCKING PLANE!


that's right. i saw it. eat that, bitch. i just saw snakes on a mother-fucking plane.

The girls and i will be making a sequel. Hence, Skanks on a Wang.

so today was the kind of day when eating was not the kind of thing i wanted to do. so i didn't eat that much and i was fine but then my mom just came home with lunchables so obviously i had to eat one and now my tummy is unhappy.

Today was a fannnnnnntastic day.


"What the fuck, how the fuck did you, what the, who the, why did you fucking, who the fucking fuck, FUCK!?!?!"

-Boondock FUCKING Saints.

my stomach just made the longest, loudest, and angriest noise i have ever heard.

it kind of sounded like maniacal laughter.

maybe i should go eat something.

aaaahhhhhhhh!!!

:D

that's all.

Today was one of the most wonderful days in my life. But it's got me wondering...

Do you remember how when you were little you never thought you ould grow up? When it seemed like it would be forever before you were an adult or driving or going to college or even high school.

Even just a few years ago i still felt like that. Now everything is going by so fast. I've only got 3 more years of high school left until im leaving all my friends to become a real person. an independant person who makes their own decisions and doesnt have parents or teachers hovering over them telling them what to do anymore. In just one year some of my best friends are leaving, people who changed my life and myself forever. people who shaped who i will be when i am going off to college in a few years or starting my career or even a family some day.

Now i'm starting to wonder if the promises we've made will last for more than a few years. Right now my biggest fear is losing touch will all the people who i love so much. People who helped me through the toughest parts of my life. People who helped me realize who i am, and learn to love who i am.

Right now i have a feeling of certainty. A feeling that no matter what i will always have people that i can lean on, when i need to. people who always know what to say. A feeling that i will always be confident with who i am. Right now i am on top of the world.

But what about in a few years? What happens then? What happens when i am thrown into the real world with no one by my side? Whats going to happen then? The reason i am so self confident is because i have people here who give me a reason to feel that way. i have people who make me feel good about myself even when that's the farthest thing from my mind. What am i going to do when these people are gone?

I know I've still got a few years, but...

I'm scared.

Words to Live By

If you don't have a song
To sing you're okay
You know how to get along
Humming
Hmmm

If you don't have a date
Celebrate
Go out and sit on the lawn
And do nothing
'Cause it's just what you must do
Nobody does it anymore

No I don't believe in the wasting of time,
But I don't believe that I'm wasting mine

If you don't have a point to make
Don't sweat it
You'll make a sharp one being so kind
And I'd sure appreciate it
Everyone else's goal's to get big headed
Why should I follow that beat being that I'm
Better than fine

-Better Than Fine
-Fiona Apple

I would like a date to homecoming, this year.

any takers?

random thoughts.

Sometimes after i've been reading other people's blogs for a while i have to read mine for a really long time to remember who i am.

I hung out with erin, M, annie, ethan, matt, and chad last night. it was a good time. a very good time. :)

KK is leaving tomorrow...woah.

i'm sorry i dont update that much. i'm running out of things to say. i think when school starts i'll be back up. i just need a change of pace.

Does anyone want to go thrifting with me? like tomorrow? please?

uhm...i want to kill emmy rossum. or be her. either or.

Lovely Lauren and Combat Mouse came over yesterday and we put awesome ridiculous makeup on and were girls. We watched Phantom of the Opera and Never Been Kissed, both of which are good movies. And I worked on my verse for a little bit but had to stop because it makes me sad if I do it for too long.

I'm excited for school to start. I'm excited to have something to work for. I've decided that this year I am going to do my best to be all the things i want to be.

The List--Part Two

what can i say, i like lists.

I want:
-To live like I’m in a fairytale
-To be able to pet fish
-My family and friends to be happy
-People to stop complaining
-Not to have to watch what I say on my own blog
-To learn html
-To go to sleep for more than ten hours
-To stay up all night
-To be athletic
-A clean room
-To go on a picnic
-To go skydiving and know I won’t die
-To live for the moment
-To sleep under the stars
-To have a bonfire
-S’mores
-Pretty toenails
-Clear skin
-*To know that I’m not shaving my legs every other day for nothing*
-E-mail that counts. Not chain letters or the ones that let me know when people commented
-to be irresistible
-For people to tell me if they have feelings for me
-To be asked to a dance
-Flowers and candy on valentine’s day that’s from someone other than my friends
-And endless supply of cute and comfy knit dresses
-Leopard-print tights
-Leopard-print flats
-A leopard print skirt
-And purse
-And headband
-A yellow leotard (not a yellow leopard)
-To re-do my room this year
-To get rid of all the clutter and furniture that I don’t need
-Red lipstick that is actually red and not just bright pink
-A red dress for fall frenzy
-Shoes that match
-To be respected
-Admired
-Loved
-Thought about
-To be unforgettable

16 Things I will accomplish this school year:

1. Getting Straight A's at least one term
2. Working my ass off in early-bird and gaining Jurk's respect
3. Convincing Calvey that I should be in accelerated honors english
4. Working my ass off in everything this year and gaining everyone's respect.
5. Getting all of my homework done every day and at least half of it done at home
6. Letting my personality show more in class

7. Getting a lead/large role in one of the shows
8. Being one of the three people Fruits chooses to speak before chant
9. Rocking hardcore in at least one of my events in speech
10. Doing drama, choir, band, marching band, speech team, earlybird, and maybe interact or bionic and not overloading myself
11. Being a leader in choir and drama
12. Practicing my horn for at least 45 minutes every week

13. My room/closet staying organized all year
14. Knowing the difference between busy and happy
15. Reading at least one book a month
16. Learning to like more people my own age so i don't die when everyone graduates

That all sounds reasonable to me...what do you think?

i have a secret blog where i can whine. so now there whill be no more whining on this one. im sure you dont mind.

im really fucking bored.

please help.

Yesterday was sooo good. vocal jazz was great, and di's was wonderful. i've never felt so comfortable around so many people that i've never met in my life. ha. it was so good.

i hope i will be seeing the matinee of footloose at naperville central tomorrow at 2. I am not completely sure that i have someone to go with yet, though...so if you would like to spend some time with wonderful me, then give me a call.

and i promise that sometime before school starts i will get around to updating my buzznet so you can all see pictures of hawaii and stuff. i just have to will myself to do it. wish me luck.

I have high hopes for tomorrow. I have fun planned, and vocal jazz.
I will tell you all about it when i get back.

miss me?

Today was a very good day.

I love my friends.

I LOVE YOU, FRIENDS!

I gave in and bought leggings.

someone shoot me.



...they're cute though, i promise

Sooo...Erin and M were over last night and we were really tired and decided to play the "lets go around in a circle and think of insults for eachother until one of us can't anymore" game. In the process of the game a few new insults were invented.

Fat-arms
Fuck-eyes
Shit-tits

Comment fat-arms!

YOU DON'T HAVE FUCKING MAIL.

I have a problem. I am addicted to checking my email. It is unhealthy. I must check my e-mail at least once an hour, if a computer is near by. but really it's usually more like 4 times an hour, because i'm lame and have nothing better to do. And what makes me even more lame is that 9/10 times, i don't even have any new email.

I also have a bad habbit of making completely ramdom and usless posts when i am sleep deprived or sad. Which one am i now? A little bit of both. More sleep deprived than sad though. The sad might also be a result of the sleep deprived. Who knows? I could just be a loser.

While i'm at it, i also check my CosmoGIRL! horoscope every day without fail. See, I told you i was a loser. It's not that hard to believe anyway.

Useless, right? I told you so.

You know what i've learned over the past few months?

Never get your hopes up. Because then you're just setting yourself up for disappointment. But don't get them down either, because then, what you were trying not to hope to happen, most likely won't happen after all. So just be moderately excited all the time. or don't care. or both. It's a very rare thing when something you want to happen actually happens, so don't count on it.

wow i'm a bitch.

I WANT THIS ONE.

Someone stop me. I'm driving far to fast down a one-way road. What am I getting myself into? I know i'll regret it. So why am I doing it?

because I need to know, I deserve to know. Even if it doesn't turn out how I want, what have I got to loose besides a few akward days, and a few conversations? I can deal with that. I just need some certainty, I think.

I hope.

im sorry about that last post. im just feeling confused, i don't know what's happening, or even what i want to happen. and all that confusion has decided to vent itself as frusteration and sadness. so i apologize.

talk to me in person, im a lot less depressing.

i don't know what im doing. i feel like with every word that comes out of my mouth im just digging this whole im in even deeper.

i hate it.

wow. i just went right by my 100th post. that's werid.

i was going to make a 100th post post too. it was going to be awesome. oh well.

Hawaii was good. We went parasailing and snorkeling and hiking and went to the beach like every day. As a result of all the outdoor activities, i am about 4 shades darker. yuck. but it's okay because it was fun. Pictures are coming eventually. If you really must see pictures right away, then call me and we'll hang out and i can show them to you there. okay?

I don't wanna unpack. :(