if anyone reads this and is going to Liana's house tonight...bring a dish because it is a potluck.

just letting everyone know.

see you tonight! :)

GIRLS!!!!!


MY HOUSE TOMORROW NIGHT AFTER THE GAME. OKAY!?!?


IF SATURDAY WOULD WORK BETTER TELL ME

NNNNOOOOOOOWWWW!

okay?

Cigarettes and chocolate milk
These are just a couple of my cravings
Everything it seems I likes a little bit stronger
A little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me

If I should buy jellybeans
Have to eat them all in just one sitting
Everything it seems I likes a little bit sweeter
A little bit fatter, a little bit harmful for me

And then theres those other things
Which for several reasons we wont mention
Everything about em is a little bit stranger, a little bit harder
A little bit deadly

Its not very smart
Tends to make one part
So brokenhearted

I don't know what I'm doing
I don't know what I'm saying
I don't know why I'm watching all these white people dancing

I don't know where I'm going
But I do know that I'm walking
Where?
I don't know
Just away from this love affair

I can't say that I'm cruisin'
Not that I don't like cruisin'
Just that I'm bruisin from you

I can't say that I'm waltzin'
Not that I don't like waltzing
Would rather be waltzin' with you

So I guess that I'm going
I guess that I am walking
Where?
I don't know
Just away from this love affair


-Rufus Wainwright

this is what i do now

i was going to make this two posts but then i decided to save my energy. and this is more a reminder for myself. so i don't go crazy.


i have learned:
-that if i want something done i will do it myself
-to say what i want to say
-to say what needs to be said
-you can't and change people if they're not willing to try.
-to not let my own happiness depend on the happiness of others
-not to ignore the truth
-that people are just people. mainly highschool people. so you can't get upset when they act immaturely or don't do what you want. you just have to accept that that's how people are and move on with your life
-that there is always some good that comes out of bad things


I'm tired of people not saying what they mean and lying. and if something is wrong dont mope at me, please. if you want to talk about it, talk about it and i will do my best to help you feel better, but if you're not going to then don't just sit around and be mopey. you can fix it and talk to people about it and make yourself feel better or you can bottle it up. do whatever you want just dont bring others down with you. don't pretend you're something that you're not. if you really want to change, you will change. but if you dont you wont its that simple. everyone goes through hard things and everyone has tons of people that care about them enough to help them overcome those things. its just a matter of how you look at it and how strong you are.

there is always a good side. you just have to be willing to see it.

right now it might be hard. but it always gets easier.

Things people should know about me:

-sometimes i can be selfish and i know it
-sometimes i can act like a 5 year old
-other times i act like a 60 year old
-most of the time i find a happy medium
-despite my optimistic nature, i have lived, and i have had my struggles. whatever struggles a 15 year old living here can have.
-i don't always put others first, but i do always consider how my actions will affect them
-i love to laugh, smile, giggle and everything in between
-usually when i am sad there is a valid reason
-i am a little bit crazy
-okay really crazy
-i always try to see the best in people. unless those people happen to be tyree or avery
-i am not racist
-i am, however stupid evil obnoxious people-ist
-i am a fairly confident person
-i am almost never 100% sure of myself
-i am very indecisive
-i am always up for a hugs and kisses from those i love
-i am a very hands on person
-i don't change for anyone but myself
-but i will listen if someone thinks a change needs to be made
-sometimes i love a little too much
-i never had very close friends until 2 years ago
-i no longer let people treat me like a doormat
-i am very much a committment kind of person
-i am pro-choice
-i am agnostic
-i love when people ask me to burn them CD's, it just takes me a while to get around to it
-i am always here to listen, i just can't always garuntee that i will be able to help
-i really really do love and care about all of you more than you could ever know

oh dear.

well what do i do now?

ssshhhiiittt.

i'm sorry about that. you all know that i'm crazy. last night i was just a little more crazy than normal. no reason. i'm just insane.

i'm afraid.

i don't know why. but i am scared.

what is it that makes me second guess everything? why do i give away my trust so easily? it feels like i am walking around with a blindfold over my eyes.

nothing is wrong. really. so i don't know why i've been feeling like this.

i just need someone to tell me that everything is okay. that i have nothing to worry about.

i keep waiting, waiting, waiting for the day that i will have the courage to actually say what i want when i want, but that day never comes. so i am stuck wishing and wanting and waiting forever. sometimes i feel so selfish and childish. for being jealous, or sad for no reason, or angry, and sometimes even happy.

i just feel like i am behind. like there are things that i should be seeing that i'm not. like everyone is a few steps ahead of me and i'm running to catch up. i keep trying to help but it never works.

sorry about this. i think it's just this week. just right now. because right at this moment i am up a lot earlier than i should be and no one else is so i am thinking, and when i start thinking bad things happen. :P

on a good note...we won!!! :D

i
am
SO
glad
this
week
is
over.

so glad. i just hope next week is better.

I've been really unsatisfied this week. i don't know why. things are going great for the most part. and i've been questioning every part of my life. everything. it's weird. maybe it's because im stressed out and nervous about IMEA and STILL not having a dress for fall frenzy and all the drama and blllarrrgh.

im just a whiny bitch. sorry.


fffffuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkk.

i need to have a party. i need to recreate a little bit of summer.

DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA!

are we all kissing and making up yet?

because we should be.

just take a deep breath. ready?

IN.
OUT.

now doesn't that feel good?

my house is too quiet and my dad is the only one home and im not liking my dad so much these days for some reason. and i just want to go out of the house but plans i make never work out.

so im sitting in my room feeling a little sorry for myself even though nothing is really wrong and im just not in a good mood today.

BOOBS!

hehehe...

i didn't think it was possible but i actually think my boobs have shrunk. soon they'll just disappear altogether.

schmeh. i dont mind.

today someone called one of my friends in bio a freshman and she replied "i'm not a freshman! i have boobs!" and i laughed because i am certainly not a freshman but i will never have boobs. i dont mind. i dont need to buy sports bras.

and running doesn't hurt.

sorry if this post made you uncomfortable.

actually, if it did, grow the fuck up.

sorry im mean today. well just right now. mainly because i have to wake up at two thirty to go sit it horribly hot weather all day and eat overpriced food. it'll be fun though.

I believe...

-that everyone one should have at least one person they can tell anything and everything
-that everyone should fall in love once
-sometime's all you need to cheer you up is some ice cream, french fries and your best friend
-pie solves almost any problem
-that being a little materialistic is not always bad
-that everyone should have a person who thinks they look beautiful even if they're just in sweats
-that sometimes a horrible day can be just what you need
-a good cry is almost always good
-rainy days can sometimes be the best kind
-getting rained out isn't always a bad thing
-homework is evil
-that you can definitely have more than one best friend
-early bird gym is wonderful
-opera rocks
-ethnic food is better than normal food a lot of the times, you jsut have to keep an open mind
-you can't be afraid of new beginings or endings
-when a door is closed, a window is opened
-sometime's the only way to get better is to face what's bothering you and not look back
-there's nothing wrong with spending $20 on nothing but junk food
-that a good book can change you forever
-no one is truly individual. our personality is shaped by those around us
-in god but not in religion
-in the power of a wonderful movie
-in the power of a wonderfully horrible movie
-there's a song that can make anything better
-that sometimes you just need to forget about school and homework and take a day to be absolutely irresponsible
-that everyone should be complimented daily
-that you should compliment one person daily
-that horrible experiences can make you a better person in the long run if you're willing to try
-that hard work pays off, but so does forgetting about work occasionaly
-everyone's a little bit racist, sometimes. ;)
-that just because the legal drinking age is 21, doesn't mean it's immoral to drink before then (as long as you're not doing it to drown out your problems)
-love is a many splendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love!
-that it's not fair that you can have sex at 17, but you can't buy porn until you're 18
-That if you've got it, you should flaunt it. but in modereation
-that you should never forget that you were a freshman once, too
-being mean to those younger than us is not going to get us anywhere
-being on stage is one of the most wonderful feelings
-the OEHS auditorium is one the the most wonderful places on earth
-Vocal Jazz is why i go through the rest of the week
-the best kinds of bus rides are the 22 hour long ones
-disney world is wonderful, and even more so when you are sleep deprived and delirious
-that everyone needs to chill out more often
-that i have the most wonderful friends on earth

..there's a lot more. but i will leave you with that.

Transitfactor: I'll be the bad cop
xxinthemusicxx: oOo me too
xxinthemusicxx: we should all just be bad cops
Transitfactor: Can you do a bad cop bad cop routine?
xxinthemusicxx: of course
xxinthemusicxx: we'll just beat it out of him

haha i love you spence-dub

my parents found my weed.

just kidding! but of course there's no weed to find anyway...or is there?! :P

but they did realize how NOT CLEAN my room was. thankgod they did because i wouldn't have done a damn thing about it otherwise.

my room is clean. like actually clean. not 'i just shoved everything under the bed' clean either. like vaccumed and organized and a little rearranged and wow. Now i don't have to worry about things growing in places where they shouldn't be. its weird. and good. i like it. now i just have to do the closet...but it may take me a while to get around to that because i hate hanging clothes up. i think it's positively tedious. but that's all i can do with my clothes because i dont have anywhere else to put them now that my bedroom floor isnt an option anymore.

besides the fact that i am sick, i feel good.

So remember how i am indian?

yeah that means that if you have a party no one (and i mean no one) will show up less than an hour late.

joy.

someone please update their blog with an at least semi-decent post so i dont go insane. please?

So no callbacks, but whatev. i could still make it.

i probably wont make it, but whatev. i trust fruits' judgement. and i have eight more possible shows with east, so not making one isn't a huge deal...but what am i going to do after school now? cavya+taking the bus=not natural.

Oh my god i love a capella choir.

asdlfkasjdf;lsdkfj

:D

"Gatekeeper seasons wait for your nod
Gatekeeper you held your breath
Made the summer go on and on..."

So school's not horrible i guess. Auditions are tomorrow.

I am freaking out just a little bit. alright. maybe more than a little bit. a big bit. a freakin HUGE bit. i'm memorized though. and i think it's alright. the only part that worries me is that it's such a small cast. 13 people i think. 5 are female parts. shiiiit. i don't even care what part i get. i just want to get cast.

merrrrr

feet are weird.

what time do all of you guys wake up around?

because i'm always awake before 9 30 and then i want to call people but i am afraid no one is awake and i don't want to wake anyone up.

so comment and tell me what time you wake up at because i am crazy.

I got my hopes up again...

guess what?


EAST WON A FOOTBALL GAME!

i'm not lying, i promise.

no really, i'm not. we seriously won.


....................SHYES!!!!